I don't know what to put here.

Just woke up. The sleep was so nice that I don't wish to wake up. Cried, even have suicidal thoughts. Luckily I'm weak enough as I cried until my head hurts like fuck.

Anyone want to meet up for alcohol? Guess I will contact Wenjun up for that soon.

Now I puke whatever I eat. No appetite to continue to eat after that. I love it. Hope this will continue for the next 6 months and I will slim down.

Saw somebody's blog. Was envious. One year plus relationship. Full of quarrels yet they are still strong. Us? Just patch for a few weeks, quarrel, now going-to-break-up-? state. This sucks. I want a time machine. Last week was so sweet. Immediately the next day, it goes downhill all becuase of NG JUN WEI.

If NG JUN WEI happens to read this, you know what? That will next life and kiss my ass if you want me to get you out. One more time I will make sure that you dick will vanish. Try me (:

As for him, what else I can say? He knows. I hope that won't be long. Something is not feeling right again. DAMN. Where's my medication for that?

3days. it’s been 3days since you left. You said that you will be back once you’re done with having fun. You promised me that. I don’t know. I just hate my 6th sense for being so accurate at the wrong time. I really don’t know what to type here. A lot of things are running through my head now. Have been crying since that day. I know it’s my fault. I know it’s too early for commitment. However, I didn’t force you that with a gun. I did not even force you with weapon to be in an open relationship. All I want is a simple one. I want a boyfriend who can cook, someone I can be proud off, knows how to manage his time well so that he have the time to date me out once or twice in every two weeks, someone who can confidently and openly tell your friends that, ‘hey, this is my girlfriend’ and I also would like to do so with my girlfriends too. Whenever there’s gathering I will be one of the few who didn’t bring my boyfriend out. Worse still, I’m the only one in that group who is attached. Whenever I try to bring things back to normal, you would only say ‘too late’. Now you hint break up WHEN YOU BLOODY PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL BE BACK AFTER EXAMS. Alright, that’s the only time when I’m selfish and you treat me until like this. Have you ever thought of how many gallons of tears I have shed for you? I don’t why guys like you just simply don’t know how to balance friends and girlfriend well. This really sucks. I don’t know why men, who are a bunch of jerks are created. I’m sick. You have broken a lot of promises already. And now you left me in the cold and boredom. You stated that 11th Dec you will come. We shall see. Who knows that you will say that you can’t go because your some shit whatever gan is in trouble and you need to attend them. Sorry, I have to be like this because I really hate it. Best of all, I didn’t even force you to break them up. I don’t know if it is too much for you to break one of them when we are really back. Right now, I can’t seem to continue typing this. My tears are going to flow soon. Now, from today, I will save my money to retake my exams if the results show that my English and maths can do well which was done when both of us were still in time out mode. Because I’m just like you. All I care about is face. You care about your face in your bloody fucking shit gan family while mine in competitive, tense, pressurizing REAL family. Oh yes, tomorrow I will be flying off. Just pray that the plane crash and tsunami hit Phuket so that after I die, you will be free. Get this straight into your mind, I’m believing in you again for the very last time. Be honored that you’re the first guy in my life who have been given a lot chance by me and the last guy to be in my life. I’m serious. You know about my past, you know how much I have been thorough. I miss you, I love you, I need you and I don’t know how much time I left here. Give me warmth and care in this harsh coldness. I don’t know how long I can hang on.