stuck.

For the past few days,
I have been trying to move on.
I kept myself busy so that my mind is occupied that it does not have any room for you.
However, whenever I am trying to get myself to fall asleep,
I can't stop thinking of you somehow.

Every weekend, whenever I go online,
I keep anticipating you to come online.
It seems like something is missing in my life.
I am pondering if that missing puzzle is you.
And I don't dare to expect anything much.
All because I have it enough.

I'm too tired, sick and even afraid of taking another blow.
This is all because you have done it once when my illness was debilitating me.

I admit that I hate dislike you for what you have done.
But I somehow still like you and can't stop thinking of you.
The feeling just cannot cease,
I can't seem to move on.
I'm stuck.
Tell me how I can get out of this dilemma so that I can live freely without any troubles and tensions within me...